Mad January continues. The week began with a continued Labour pie fight after Andy Burnham’s excitements. Soon we had Tory one-nation rejects trying to re-inveigle themselves into the political operetta. Then, with squawking from all sides, Suella Braverman exited stage Right.

And the year not yet four weeks old.

Mrs Braverman’s defection to Reform was unveiled at a mid-morning rally for forces veterans. The venue: London’s old Billingsgate market. Suella certainly gave it the fishy treatment. She produced a ripe sardine of a speech.

After tottering on stage, she met with a roar of approbation – grown men punching the air, standing applause, that sort of thing – and became giggly, clutching Mr Farage like a lottery winner.

Soon she was lowering her head on to his right shoulder. Barbara Cartland paperbacks used to have that sort of pose on their front covers.

Given the floor, a breathless Braverman cooed at the audience of ex-service personnel, gasping: ‘You’ve put your country first, you’ve sacrificed, you’ve given everything’.

The words ‘LIKE ME!’ were not uttered yet surely meant to be understood. She pointed at them and whirled her arms, the tone a touch over-familiar, the energy manic. She told the ex-soldiers why they had joined the forces.

‘You didn’t do it for applause. You did it ultimately because of love. Love of our dear country.’

After tottering on stage, she met with a roar of approbation – grown men punching the air, standing applause, that sort of thing – and became giggly, clutching Mr Farage like a lottery winner, writes Quentin Letts

Robert Jenrick, who defected from the Tories to Reform UK this month, was at the rally for veterans

One definitely needed a dollop of tartare sauce to cut through the oiliness of all this. Conservative central office found it hard to swallow. A bitter reaction was posted which suggested Suella was round the twist. What, even more than the rest of them in Westminster?

The graceless response from the Tories, belatedly retracted, may have accounted for a stinging speech Mrs Braverman gave late in the afternoon at Reform’s HQ in high-rise Millbank Tower.

Out came her long fingernails and scratch, scratch, scratch they went. Understandable, perhaps, but unfortunate.

The Tory party ‘should be disgusted with itself, frankly’ for its failures in office. ‘I stood alone,’ continued Mrs Braverman, laughing in disbelief at her patient virtue. ‘I took a few for the team. But the one-nation wets have won the Conservative party. The Conservatives had gone. The Conservatives have left the building.’

And then, after this sustained barrage, a sleek little purr entered her voice and she claimed she spoke ‘not with anger, malice or bitterness, but with sadness’. We’ll be the judge of that, missus.

Mr Farage, in a blindingly blue suit that may have been stolen from Lib Dem fashion icon Josh Babarinde, was sitting at a low table to her left. As he listened to prolonged words of fealty from his new recruit Braverman – ‘the only man I trust’ – he bounced his head from side to side, contemplating his considerable merits.

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Last week’s news, Robert Jenrick, stood watching from a doorway. Mr Farage said he was uniting the Right. Dear Lord, if this is unity, show me carnage.

Which leaves too little room to describe fully the early morning launch of Prosper, a new Conservative ginger group formed by one-time Scots Tory leader Ruth Davidson and Andy Street, former mayor of the West Midlands.

Many Europhile losers from the past were in attendance: Tobias Ellwood, David Gauke, Sir Robert Buckland, booming Amber Rudd. They produced polling that suggested some seven million Centre-Right voters are ‘politically homeless’.

They intended to lobby for policies that would bring economic growth and lower welfare spending.

Populism was pooh-poohed. ‘Pragmatism’ was embraced. Sure enough, former eco-keen Remainers hinted that they might now be able to live with Net Zero being delayed.

And they voiced loyalty to Kemi Badenoch.

If they can help win back moderate voters to the left of the Conservative party, will that assist the Right? There is a long way to go.

The vibe here was collegiate, controlled, ‘people-who-know-best’. Reform is noisier, crazier, more dramatic.

All in all, an exhausting day. If the still newish year continues at this pace, I’m going to have a drink problem.