As Downton Abbey's Lady Sybil she died in childbirth – now actress JESSICA BROWN FINDLAY reveals her struggles and fears when she decided to start a family herself…

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It’s been a rollercoaster few years for Jessica Brown Findlay. The actress broke the nation’s heart when, as Lady Sybil in Downton Abbey, she died in childbirth (‘My mum was so upset I didn’t warn her, but if you tell her something she will be telling other people’). 

The 35-year-old has since been through the ‘bliss’ of a lockdown wedding to fellow actor Ziggy Heath, the stress and heartbreak of IVF and then, two years ago, the joy of giving birth to twin sons.

‘It’s been… busy,’ she says.

Jacket, top, hat, tights, gloves and sandals, Dolce & Gabbana. Earrings, By Alona

Jacket, top, hat, tights, gloves and sandals, Dolce & Gabbana. Earrings, By Alona

Which explains why we haven’t seen her on screen recently. But next week Brown Findlay will be back in a new four-part ITV drama about two families who discover their toddler sons were accidentally swapped in the hospital as newborns. 

In psychological thriller Playing Nice her character Lucy Lambert at first appears to be the victim of controlling husband Mike (James McArdle), but as a viewer you’re soon wondering who the real victim is. And are the other parents – Pete and Maddie (played by James Norton and Niamh Agar) – really as nice as they seem?

‘It’s unthinkable, one of the worst fears and strangest things you can imagine,’ she says. ‘You immediately think, “What would I do in this situation?” When I was reading the script my husband saw me look up from it to the boys, and said, “Don’t worry, they’re carbon copies of us – they’re our kids!’’’

The drama is suitably dark, but for Brown Findlay, filming in Cornwall was a happy experience. Heath and the boys (she doesn’t want to reveal their names) joined her for the three-month shoot, spending weekends and time off surfing together (‘swim nappies don’t work’, is her verdict).

Jacket, top, hat, tights, gloves and sandals, Dolce & Gabbana. Earrings, By Alona

Jacket, top, hat, tights, gloves and sandals, Dolce & Gabbana. Earrings, By Alona

‘They’d just turned one and everyone – the director and the other actors – was so understanding. One day the boys made attempts at their first steps when I wasn’t there, but they all made me feel better about it. There wasn’t this thing of coming to work and having to pretend you don’t have a family and a life.’

Brown Findlay met Heath, 33, eight years ago on the set of the raunchy costume drama Harlots, in which she played a witty courtesan and he a dandy. ‘Then I saw him a few weeks later and got his number.’

She cackles. ‘I think there’s something confidence-building about playing a fabulous Georgian sex-worker that makes you go, “Oi, you!’’’

Heath, she says, reacted by ‘playing it cool. But underneath he was paddling, like a swan.’ They went for a gastro-pub meal, ‘and sat and chatted until the chairs were upside down on the tables’.

Dress, Critter. Earrings and bracelet, By Alona. Rings, Chambers Curated. Tights, Calzedonia. Shoes, Christian Louboutin

Dress, Critter. Earrings and bracelet, By Alona. Rings, Chambers Curated. Tights, Calzedonia. Shoes, Christian Louboutin

They married in September 2020 in a London church followed by a reception in their living room, with Covid rules putting restrictions on the number of guests. ‘It was blissful,’ she says. ‘I just wanted to be married to him and didn’t mind how it happened. He’s a kind human being. I love him very much.’

Sitting in YOU’s photographic studio in jeans and a tank top, Brown Findlay is open and vivacious, but understandably she doesn’t want to share every detail of the couple’s IVF experience. However, she admits it took three and a half years and four rounds, ‘peppered with many things’, to become pregnant.

‘It was a lot to go through as a couple, but it was a loving and generous time. We couldn’t control everything about the process, but we did have it in our power to keep talking to each other and have empathy for each other. 

‘It revealed a lot to me about the person I am, the person I am married to, and how you can find so much joy still in being yourselves and making the most of every day, how life has value even if there isn’t a child. It forces you to imagine other scenarios without children and what would we do. My mother-in-law said something beautiful to me: “From the moment you’re thinking of doing this, and during all your experience getting there, you’re already parenting, because you’re looking out for each other.” I kept that close.’

When they discovered Brown Findlay was having not one baby but two, they were at the fertility clinic. They left their appointment dazed, then – mindful of the sensitivities of other couples in the waiting room – found themselves processing the news on the stairwell. ‘We’d always wanted a big family so now we were looking at each other, in hysterical laughter, crying with joy. It was heaven.’

Dress, Critter. Earrings and bracelet, By Alona. Rings, Chambers Curated. Tights, Calzedonia. Shoes, Christian Louboutin

Dress, Critter. Earrings and bracelet, By Alona. Rings, Chambers Curated. Tights, Calzedonia. Shoes, Christian Louboutin

Brown Findlay grew up in Cookham, Berkshire, the elder of two sisters with a financial-adviser father and teaching-assistant mother. She was previously haunted by fears the eating disorder that afflicted her as a teenager, which she’d recovered from with therapy, might make her struggle during pregnancy.

‘But, in fact, pregnancy made me love my body as it got bigger and softer and kind of wilder. I loved the ridiculousness of struggling to get through doors.’

When she was seven-and-a-half months pregnant, she appeared on the Venice Film Festival red carpet in a hot pink Valentino gown (left). ‘They were pushing me into the dress, and I had swollen ankles, but it released me from something. I felt the most comfortable I’ve ever been on any red carpet. Seeing my body doing something so positive, I became much more forgiving of myself. It was freeing.’

With James McArdle in ITV’s Playing Nice

With James McArdle in ITV’s Playing Nice

Having acted the harrowing Downton scene where Lady Sybil dies of eclampsia (often heralded by high blood pressure in pregnancy), was she more fearful of things going wrong? ‘I tried not to think about it too much, but I did ask a couple more questions maybe slightly more frequently than your average pregnant woman – what my blood pressure was, things like that. I was, like, “Can we just double check?’’’

The twins were delivered by caesarean at 36 weeks, ‘a good weight’, so they had to spend only a brief period in special care. ‘But of course we couldn’t wait to get them home.’

Since then, she and Heath have embraced baby chaos at their home in Hackney, East London. Yet from early on, Brown Findlay was reading scripts while breastfeeding, and when the boys were six months she couldn’t resist signing up to a film, Mother Mary, starring some of the world’s coolest actors – Michaela Coel, FKA Twigs, Anne Hathaway, Sian Clifford and Cindy Crawford’s daughter Kaia Gerber. It’s set to come out next year. Filming was in Cologne, Germany, where Brown Findlay stayed for two weeks with the family.

As Downton’s Lady Sybil Crawley (left), with Michelle Dockery and Laura Carmichael

As Downton’s Lady Sybil Crawley (left), with Michelle Dockery and Laura Carmichael

‘I thought, “I’ve got to try to see if I can do this.” There was a real sense of achievement being in the room with those people, having only recently become a mother. Anne Hathaway was incredible, she was tuned in to everyone, and when I wrapped, she said, “This is a very special wrap for Jess. It’s no mean feat to come to work, let alone to fly in, at this stage.” It was a generous thing for someone to see you like that, a woman-to-woman thing, to acknowledge that this was a bigger deal for me than any job I’d had before.’

Being a mother, she says, has helped her ‘embrace the fact that sometimes I don’t know what I’m doing – and that’s fine. I’m much more gentle on myself now.’ It’s taken a long time for her to find that compassion. As a teenager Brown Findlay was determined to become a ballerina and lived a life of steely self-discipline (hence, in part, the eating disorder), training with the National Youth Ballet and dancing at the Royal Opera House with the Mariinsky Ballet. ‘I thought, “Great, I’ve made it.’’’

With husband Ziggy Heath and their twin sons, January 2023

With husband Ziggy Heath and their twin sons, January 2023

But her dreams were shattered at 18 after an ankle operation went wrong. She was told she could never dance again and so changed path, studying art at Central Saint Martins in London. She first started acting as a fun sideline but was then asked to audition for a new ITV show called Downton Abbey.

She had no idea when she was cast as Lady Sybil that she would become a key player in a phenomenon, with 100 million viewers worldwide. When she arrived on set she was surrounded by acting legends such as the late Dame Maggie Smith or – as Brown Findlay thought of her – ‘Granny’.

‘I was full of respect and total confusion as to why I was there. But I told Maggie I wanted to prove myself, to work and learn and maybe have a bit of fun, and she said,

“I love all those things in that order.” The word “iconic” is used a lot, but Maggie was iconic.’

Dress with feather boa, David Koma. Earrings, Shymi. Shoes, Christian Louboutin

Dress with feather boa, David Koma. Earrings, Shymi. Shoes, Christian Louboutin

Yet in 2012, just three seasons in, she quit the show, ruling out any chance of a surprise return by having Sybil die on screen. ‘I didn’t think about it,’ she shrugs of her decision to leave. ‘My contract was up for renewal and I wanted to do some theatre. I didn’t want to get too comfortable, so I said, “No, thanks, I’m good.” Now, with all my responsibilities, I’d think about it a lot more, but I went with my gut and fundamentally [Downton] didn’t feel the right thing for me. What happened with my dancing had made me open to the unknown. I’d discovered we can be results-driven but what matters is the journey. I wanted to try different things and to live outside lives imagined for me.’

That gamble paid off. Brown Findlay has kept in touch with her Downton buddies (she’s especially close to Michelle Dockery, who played her elder sister Mary) via their WhatsApp group, but she has also (babies aside) worked nonstop: starring in The Flatshare on Paramount+ as well as several heavyweight West End plays. Right now, she’s filming a secret project and at the end of each day, she’s loving coming home to her little family. ‘It’s incredible. I’d have twins again in a heartbeat.’

Playing Nice will be on ITV1 (and available to stream on ITVX) from 5 January

 

JUST JESSICA

Biggest fear?

Trying to learn card game rules in front of other people.

Worst habit?

Getting into bed, asking my husband a deeply existential question then falling asleep before he answers.

Specialist subject?

Harry Potter.

Guilty pleasure?

Buzz Sweets. Why aren’t they still three packets for £1?

Unsung hero?

Women.

Best place you’ve been kissed?

In the operating theatre after our boys were born.

Dream home?

Somewhere full of original features and a wild garden.

Bucket list holiday destination?

70s vintage shopping in Paris. And I’m going next month!

New Year’s resolution?

To learn how to make good bread.

Who’d play you in your biopic?

No one. It wouldn’t get green-lit.