A man has opened up about the horrific sexual abuse he suffered at the hands of his stepfather from the age of eight as he reveals he felt compelled to protect his abuser despite the trauma he had caused.

Ryan Gadsby, from Skellow, Doncaster, opened up about his disturbing childhood and the trauma he experienced after years of abuse on The Tom’s Talks Podcast with mindset coach Tom Dickinson.

The now 22-year-old revealed that he tried to take his own life at 16 years old and after going to the police to report his step dad, Andrew, who was a respected member of and leader in the church, he struggled with guilt. 

Ryan, who suffered with PTSD and depression after the sexual abuse, said: ‘I felt bad for him, which will confuse a lot of people and this is one of the messages that I stress, I felt guilty for him and I felt so sorry for him because he was my dad.

‘Even though he was my stepdad he’d been my dad since so young, that attachment was there and that relationship doesn’t go away just because of what he did at that time. I was so sad that I was losing my dad and that he was going to go to prison potentially.’

Ryan Gadsby, from Skellow, Doncaster, revealed he struggled with wanting to protect his abuser step dad after years of sexual assault which started when he was eight years old, on The Tom’s Talks Podcast with mindset coach Tom Dickinson

Speaking about the day he reported his stepfather to the police, Ryan recalled warning him he was no longer willing to keep the secret.

He said: ‘He was quite aggressive with me that day and he was kind of saying that I seemed really sad and down and I need to start lifting up because my mum’s going to start becoming suspicious about things.

‘I just said to him ”I’m not going to keep your secret anymore” and it’s the first time that I’d ever said ‘your secret’ and it’s also the first time that I’d ever spoke about what had happened directly.

‘I remember he said like, ”stop it with this attitude Ryan” and he went red and he was like really angry and so I opened the door and managed to get out and he tried to grab my top and pull me back in the car but I managed to shrug him off…and that’s the last time I ever saw him.’

Ryan explained that he broke down in tears and decided to go to the police station there and then; however an officer told him to come back the following day because there wasn’t enough officers on shift. 

He said: ‘If I would have gone back that day I would have been murdered, there’s no doubt in my mind he was in a state where he would protect himself over anything and I knew how violent he was and how he didn’t show any empathy for me as a young child throughout all those years. I knew he would be capable of that and I said that to her.’

Luckily the police officer understood the gravity of the situation and brought Ryan into a back room to make a statement. 

Ryan said he went through a four hour interview which was ‘quite traumatic’ because it had to relive all the abuse.

Ryan said his step dad was a successful manipulation that took advantage of his innocence and vulnerability

Andrew was a respected member and leader in the church and no one expected he could of sexually abused his own step son 

Ryan pictured four months after he escaped abuse. He left his job, quit college, lost lots of weight and starved himself, he didn’t leave the house for months, ashamed that his abuse story was now out in the open

Police arrested Andrew in front of Ryan’s mother, who found out in that moment about the sexual abuse allegations. 

Ryan claimed his mother never knew about the abuse and said she would have stopped it from happening if she did. 

‘I don’t think she knew but she recognised that things weren’t normal,’ Ryan recalled.

‘There were certain instances where the sexual abuse happened in the shower a lot… and she’d stand outside and she’d knock and go ”is everything okay” and you know it just seems like there was some hint of maybe suspicion.’

Ryan said it never came to his mind to tell his mother about the abuse as a child because he didn’t know that his stepfather was doing anything wrong. 

He said: ‘I didn’t know it was wrong but I knew I was uncomfortable and people would say ”how did you not know it was wrong”, I was never told directly if someone was to touch your penis or touch their penis while they look at you, you know that that’s wrong, I’d never had that direct message. 

‘He said this is what dads do, obviously your dad’s not been in your life so you never had this before, but this is just what dads do but we keep private, it’s quite a private thing, it’s like going to the toilet.’

Ryan revealed the sexual abuse ‘faded out’ when he was 13 years old but he still had to live with his abuser and keep the secret or risk getting beaten. 

He said: ‘After I escaped abuse I was 16 and the three months following was kind of a weird patch but after that I went into like a really deep depression and I starved myself, I developed a bit of an eating disorder where I’d punish myself and I wouldn’t eat because I felt like I didn’t deserve it. I ended up in hospital with that and you know I try I was trying to take my life.’ 

Ryan said it never came to his mind to tell his mother about the abuse as a child because he didn’t know that his step dad was doing anything wrong

Ryan revealed the sexual abuse ‘faded out’ when he was 13-years-old but he still had to live with his abuser and keep the secret or risk getting beaten

Elsewhere in the interview Ryan revealed that Andrew was charged with the sexual abuse to him but he ended up taking his own life before the court case

A year before Andrew was arrested for abusing Ryan, the now-22-year-old recalled police visiting the house over separate allegations Andrew’s step-grandchild had made about him. When officers arrived, they asked Ryan if Andrew had ever abused him – at which point Ryan lied to protect his stepfather. 

He said: ‘They asked ”has your dad or stepdad ever sexually abused you or ever touched you inappropriately?” and this is like this would have been my key moment speak out but I said no because I cared about him and I loved him.

‘It was my dad, this is what confuses people and it confuses me, he was my dad and I wanted to protect him and so in that moment I don’t think I had the understanding and the emotional intelligence to do it and I just don’t think it was the moment for me.’ 

Police later told Ryan that a teenage boy who used to babysit for Andrew made a report to the police to say that Andrew had sexually abused him, however the report went missing and they never followed up. Tragically, the boy ended up taking his own life.

Ryan revealed part of his motivation today to speak out about his own abuse is for that teenage boy who didn’t get the opportunity to. 

He went on to say that when Andrew found out the young boy had taken his own life he ‘celebrated’ because he didn’t have to go to court. 

Elsewhere in the interview Ryan revealed that Andrew was charged with the sexual abuse against him – but his abuser also died by suicide before he could be brought to justice in a trial.

Ryan aged seven, just a year before the abuse started. He said most of his hurt today comes from a place of empathy for that boy

Ryan said now he finds ‘value’ in his story because he aims to help others who have been through similar experiences

He said: ‘The investigation went on for two years and it was getting to the point where it was going to go to court, he was charged with it…then I got a phone call from the police officer that was leading the case and she said I need to see you as soon as possible. 

‘I got into the house they came in and there was like said, “we have some bad news your stepdad Andrew has ended his own life”.’

Ryan added: ‘He was such a narcissist, I thought he would never do that…I think the reason he did it was control. He had to regain the control, he knew he was going down because he had other charges as well.

‘He had a secret camera in my room, in my bedroom, that would film me all the time and I found that when I was about 13 or 14.’ 

Ryan said now he finds ‘value’ in his story because he aims to help others who have been through similar experiences. 

He now runs the charity Prevention Pathways which provides in-school educational support to children who have experienced trauma, ensuring they have equitable educational opportunities.

He said: ‘What we focus on predominantly is what things do we need to put in place for children that will help them disclose abuse if it’s happening or help us recognise abuse if it’s happening which is something that isn’t covered in traditional safeguarding.’