Three years ago, American rap duo Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion released their single, WAP. It became a huge global hit, racking up tens of millions of downloads and earning the pair the fawning approval of the entire music industry.

The video was a sensation: a bold, no-holds-barred depiction of the song’s central theme – Wap stands for Wet-Ass Pussy.

The idea was – and here I’ll have to beg readers’ forgiveness because there’s no delicate way of explaining this or the themes to follow – that both ladies were, quite literally, dripping with excitement at the thought of a little alone time with a gentleman.

There were tigers, there were snakes, there were fountains gushing from multiple orifices, there was a lot of licking of inanimate objects and, inexplicably, Kylie Jenner in a leopard-print leotard.

To say it was crude is putting it mildly. Some sample lyrics (look away now if you are easily shocked, but quite honestly, who wouldn’t be by this kind of language?): ‘This pussy is wet, come take a dive’; ‘Make it cream, make me scream’; ‘I wanna gag, I wanna choke’; ‘Extra large and extra hard’. And so on. Believe me, that’s the classier stuff.

Three years ago, American rap duo Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion released their single, WAP. The video (pictured above) was a sensation: a bold, no-holds-barred depiction of the song’s central theme — Wap stands for Wet-Ass Pussy

It was, to all intents and purposes, a porn film dressed up as a dance video, with the action described in the lyrics. And what’s extraordinary is that nobody seemed to mind. (Well, I minded, but everyone told me to stop being such a prude.)

On the contrary, Stallion and Cardi B were celebrated in the media and the music press for their ‘sex-positive’ message and the way their ‘celebration’ of female sexuality was ’empowering’ other women.

I suppose that depends on what you mean by ’empowerment’.

Is asking to be choked during sex ’empowerment’? Is ‘looking for a beating’ (another lyric) empowering? Is waggling your buttocks up and down in front of a camera ’empowering’? Maybe I missed that memo.

READ MORE: Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion rock revealing outfits with their sexually-charged music video Bongos

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Either way, the climax of their success was a performance at the Grammys in which they simulated intercourse with each other on a giant bed.

To be fair, that did draw some complaints – which Cardi B later said amounted to ‘harassment’. Go figure. But otherwise Wap was a humongous success, earning them both a fortune.

No surprise, then, that they’ve done it again.

Last Friday the pair released their new collaboration, Bongos. The video has already racked up 10 million views and, aside from the absence of Jenner in a thong, is more of the same: endless buttock-thrusting, crotch-grabbing and general straddling of random inanimate objects – a fridge, soft furnishings, what looks like some sort of child’s playground equipment, assorted sun-loungers. 

The lyrics don’t pull any punches either. ‘Pussy tight like a nun’; ‘Better beat this s**t like a drum’.

And so on.

The video, which is less than three minutes long, had a budget of $2 million. On social media, the pair shared various behind-the-scenes clips, including one of Cardi B on-set with what seems to be her baby son, Wave.

Even fellow pop star Lizzo got in on the act, posting a video of her own eye-popping buttocks wobbling along to the tune on Instagram.

At this stage you might well be thinking: what does any of this matter and, more to the point, why is Sarah filling my head with visions of Lizzo’s near-naked derriere?

I’ll tell you why. Because this is how the next generation of young women (and men) are being taught how to behave — and told that it’s completely normal.

Last Friday the pair released their new collaboration, Bongos (a grab of the video pictured above). The video has already racked up 10 million views

Pop music has always been subversive – Lord knows, that’s pretty much the point of it. And sex has always played a big part in that subversion.

But this is not about teenage passions or natural youthful rebellion: this is pornography, pure and simple.

Not just any old porn: an appalling kind, dressed up as harmless, colourful, fashionable, fun-filled pop — and fed to impressionable youngsters as a desirable aesthetic.

It’s not only revolting and in appalling taste, it’s incredibly toxic. Because is it any wonder more and more girls and young women are reporting being choked during sex, or being expected to look and act like they’ve just stepped off an X-rated movie set?

Or being told that ‘they want it, really’, even when they don’t? Or being grabbed and molested in public? Or feeling pressurised into doing things for fear of being branded as frigid or – God forbid – ‘unempowered’. Is it any wonder, when this is prime time?

Mock if you will, call me a dried-up jealous old Karen.

But empowerment, emancipation, feminism is not about dressing up a series of porn cliches as entertainment, and then shaming anyone who objects.

It’s about having the freedom and confidence to determine your own choices, without being forced to conform to other people’s.

In this case, a powerful global pop industry which makes millions out of telling young women they’re freaks for not acting like porn stars.

That it should be two women selling this lie is just the rancid cherry on the whole rotten cake.

As someone who is far too sedentary while working, I’m constantly searching for ways to stop my Apple Watch from nagging me to be more active.

I’ve hit upon a new ruse. Once or twice a day, I stop what I’m doing, put a song on my headphones – usually Taylor Swift or something anyone under the age of 40 would find excruciatingly embarrassing – then break into a vigorous bout of dancing.

This not only clears out the cobwebs, it also placates the Nazi on my wrist and gets the blood pumping – as well as, of course, providing excellent entertainment value for the neighbours.

My dog law has real bite

Suella Braverman has a duty to tackle the shocking rise in dog attacks. But the idea of outlawing certain breeds – as many have suggested in the wake of that terrible attack on an 11-year-old in Birmingham by an ‘XL Bully’ – is flawed.

First, it’s not practical: does the Government plan to round up and euthanise all XL Bullies, even harmless ones?

Second, if you outlaw one breed, another will take its place. These are status dogs, bought by owners who can’t handle them or worse, mistreat them. 

And there’s nothing more dangerous than a brutalised dog, especially one with the strength and instincts of an XL Bully.

Suella Braverman has a duty to tackle the shocking rise in dog attacks. But the idea of outlawing certain breeds – as many have suggested in the wake of that terrible attack on an 11-year-old in Birmingham by an ‘XL Bully’ – is flawed

First, it’s not practical: does the Government plan to round up and euthanise all XL Bullies, even harmless ones? Second, if you outlaw one breed, another will take its place. These are status dogs, bought by owners who can’t handle them or worse, mistreat them (stock image of an XL bully)

The responsible thing is to draw up a list of ‘restricted’ breeds and require anyone who wants one to a) buy a dog licence and b) undergo a handler’s course. Make it retrospective. Get caught without, and it’s a hefty fine or a ban. 

That way, police could sequester unlicensed animals and hold irresponsible owners accountable.

In the long term, it would deter people from getting them in the first place.

YouTuber ‘CyclingMikey’ (real name Michael Van Erp, 50), who busybodies around London catching out drivers using their phones, has a long list of celebrity scalps — including Frank Lampard and Guy Ritchie. 

But as someone who (regularly) cycles and (occasionally) drives in London, I must confess that it’s increasingly fellow cyclists who seem to flaunt the rules most.

If I had the time and energy, I’d stick a camera on my head and prove it. But then I, like most sane people, am not that petty.

I love Antiques Roadshow. So it’s maddening that my charming Sunday night balm has been infected by the culture wars. Sunday’s episode featured two women who brought in a robe and a letter given to their grandfather by the Ethiopian Emperor Haile Selassie.

Having valued the items, expert Ronnie Archer-Morgan asked them: ‘If there’s a call for these things to be repatriated, would you be happy to do that?’ The pair dutifully nodded – what else could they do? But the question was completely inappropriate. The items were a present – why on earth should they give them away?

This is Antiques Roadshow, not the Antiques Wokeshow.